Who would win in a fight? Me or a door? I have most of my life thought that I will. Because that’s what I’m used too. I hit things when I get angry. I hit things when I get sad. I hit things when I don’t have control. Because that’s all it is about, control. You sit and think for a while, which is never good, and you get more and more upset or mad. That’s what happened to me tonight. I have all these people telling me I have to feel a certain way or I’ll be getting it, because everyone knows karma is a bitch. So after we think we go for a walk, because it’ll clear your head right? Wrong. It makes things worse. You’re walking along and you’re all alone. So now not only are you mad you’re lonely. Not a good mix. So you stop. You lean against a wall for a minute or two. Maybe start to cry.. Then you get pissed at yourself for crying, right? You’re supposed to be stronger than that. You’re supposed to play it off like everything is okay. So now, you’re upset, lonely, and pissed off. You turn towards the wall and lean against it with your hands, you want to hit that wall so bad. But you know you shouldn’t. It could get you in trouble, it could hurt, it could break your hand and make it so you can’t do things that you normally do. You sit there and you tell yourself that you can’t swing. But then your other brain tells you it’s better to hit a wall than to hit a person. You now conflicting emotions. Your upset, lonely, pissed off, and confused. You take a step back to walk away. But all of a sudden you turn around and you swing as hard as you can at whatever it is that is in front of you. Your fist hits that wall or door and you just hear it crunch. But you play it off like you didn’t feel it. That’s probably because you didn’t. You now are upset, lonely, pissed off, confused, and your adrenaline is rushing so hard that you can’t feel that you just broke 4 bones in your hand. You now have no idea why you hit that wall or door. But you’re not as upset anymore, am I right? That’s how you think you win the fight. Six years rolls around.. This happens probably twice a month or so, you need to have surgery on your hand because this last time it shattered. You won’t feel your hand ever again. But you have control right? Wrong. You will no longer have control over anything with that hand. But you win. Right? No. That’s when you realize that you lost the fight. You may have won several times. But you no longer are the winner of the door/human fight. You will eventually lose. And you will eventually be in pain. More pain than that first punch was worth. Look back on that first punch, in that cold lonely spot against that wall as you’re sad, upset, pissed off, confused, and high on adrenaline. When you turn the first time, don’t turn back. Don’t swing. It’s the beginning of the worst habit you could probably come into. This happens to be a way of self harm. If you do this. It’s okay, a lot of us do, you can talk to someone, anyone really. Whoever you feel comfortable with. But don’t swing, is it worth the control?
maybe if you came and fell asleep next to me I wouldn’t be so sad
When we met, everything just seemed to go away. I have friends because of you. You made it so everyone knew who I was. The moment we met you had an impact on my life. We started to hangout and we were both really flirty. I knew that was just our personalities. I sent you a good morning text every day. Not because we has anything going on but because I wanted to make you feel special. This was an every day thing. I loved waking up and sending you a message and getting a smiley face back with a big long text to go with it. I called you beautiful all the time. You were Bae. Everything that went wrong, I went to you with. If I had a bad day, I went straight to your room and we talked. You made things better. We cuddled. I cried to you. I don’t just cry for everyone. You made me feel the special I needed to feel. We talked all day everyday. Now we don’t talk and that makes me want to cry. Now we don’t cuddle and it makes me want to cry. Now we don’t hangout and I cry. But who do I have to cry to other than myself? No one. I’m having a bad day and I have no one. I should have never done what I did. And I beat myself up for that every day.
if you tickle me it’s either going to lead to kissing or an extreme act of violence
I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE "YOU LITTLE SHIT" IS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT AND IT’S MAGICAL